I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
