I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
