The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
