Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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