I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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