Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
