Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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