I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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