kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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