Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
