if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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