My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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