if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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