My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
