i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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