Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
