please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
