Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this just has baby written all over it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
