He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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