so explain again why im purple
no
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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