I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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