my vag is so smooth its legendary
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
