3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Holy sore nipples Batman
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
