doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
