ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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