We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
