dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
