What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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