No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
