her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
