I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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