Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
