Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
