Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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