I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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