forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
