I looked at my own cervix.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
