i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
