he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
