Who did Billy Mays play for?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
