I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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