come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
