I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
