tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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