I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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