Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
