your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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