Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
