Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
