capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
