Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
