So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
